million dollar baby

they say that a picture is worth a thousand words. i believe it. unfortunately for my family, this means they must not only suffer my verbal diarrhea, but the visual runs as well. i suppose it could be worse; at least i don't play the accordian or bagpipes or something.

but for all the value i place on photos (especially of things close to my heart, like family or chocolate), i am here also to report that i have found more value yet in the simplicity of my own kid smiling up at me. forgive the cheese of saying it, but dangit if it doesn't just give me the warm fuzzies.

[ ~pause here for reader to barf~ ]

i know, it's bad. not only is it absolutely campy to say this, but additionally, i may be the 30 billionth person to discover this new little joy. truly, i am a great pioneer.

ok fine, so i'm not original. i'm still telling you, when that little bugger looks up at you and smiles in response to whatever goofy face or noise you just made and smiles at you... man, nothing else in the world makes you heart melt like that. nothing except perhaps when he smiles without your having to do something that makes you look and sound retarded to the rest of the people in the room. it is my favorite part of being a dad so far.

in fact, it brought to light an interesting thought (surprised?). what struck me about how this affects me is, in that moment when tank is smiling at me, i am not thinking at all about lack of sleep, loud screaming in the car for a half hour, puke on my shirt, the cluttered mess of a house that was once my relaxing refuge, the stolen attention from my wife, or the butt wiping. at that moment, all i'm thinking is how much i love him. seems like i got duped when i hear myself say it like that. i dunno, maybe i did... but i'm alright with it.

and that's interesting, because there is no reciprocation of any kind. yet it doesn't diminish how i feel in the least. that doesn't happen in other kinds of love. if a dude falls in love with a woman and finally works up the nerve to tell her so, and then she tells him she likes him only as a friend, it does not end the same way at all.

i suppose god built this in on purpose so that after two months of not sleeping we don't throw the little tykes out the window. now that's thinking ahead.

the real fun is to see how that magical smile works folks other than the smitten parents. we have little chance of viewing the kid objectively, since we're apparently biologically wired to love the little beast no matter how many times he hurls on us. but other people are the real litmus test. stick my baby in the arms of another adult who isn't a parent, and watch... within 15 minutes they start thinking, "actually it would be kinda nice to have a baby..." ha! suckers...

last night while at a dinner party, we let our frinds heather & mike fawn over bennett for a bit, and he smiled his best at them with that little face of his. (dang! you just want to nibble those cheeks!!!!) and of couse, they were totally ga-ga with him. but it doesn't count, because they're expecting and so are on a desperate quest to convince themselves that this was really a good idea. they would love any happy, well-behaved baby at this moment. don't worry though, guys! your baby will be perfect, and in your eyes, he/she'll be the cutest baby ever to grace planet earth. (of course, everyone else will know that no baby is ever going to be as cute as tank, but that's ok, because we'll all lie for you and agree that yours is cuter. rest easy knowing your kid may well be the second cutest baby ever.)

i imagine its just a matter of time until that same smile is manipulating free cookies and trips to the ice cream shop out of me, but i'm guessing it'll be worth it. i love to see it, so i'm doomed to easy manipulation. i'll bet you walt disney knew this. i'll bet he built his entire empire by betting on every kid's ability to con their parents out of their money with thier adorable little faces. dangit. i'm gonna be broke...