stuff that doesn't suck

something snuck up on me last week. it was friday, and some of jen's closest friends came over for their first tank inspection (translation: baby visit). the event was thinly disguised as dinner at our house, but we all knew what was really going on. there was baby groping to be done! o ne of these friends is even pregnant herself, and always loves an opportunity to baby-fondle & to pepper jen with questions.

so as soon as i got home from work, we set about our typical preparations for having guests over to dinner; learning for the first time the lesson of why people with kids often have messy houses. it's because the time you would normally use to clean up before the guests arrive is spent instead on painstakingly dressing (nay- adorning!) the child in the most impressive gear & baby-bling you can imagine. a perfect onesie, with pants, possibly an additional shirt (i don't really know why), probably a sweater (aesthetic only), & just the right socks to match (this is apparently key)... once the tot is finally in full costume, he of course pees or pukes all over it, and you must immediately change him again.

now you might be saying to yourself, 'how annoying!' ( i certainly was) but not da mama. she just squeals delightedly, and with a grin stretching ear to ear tells him what a little stinker he is. then proceeds to strip the little man down and gleefully hunt for another outfit. once this insane ritual is finally complete and the supreme ruler of my time is fully dressed the second time, she proudly holds him aloft like mufasa would've held simba. it is now my job to 'ooh' & 'ahh' over the even cuter outfit he is now wearing. ...and of course, to bow in proper respect to both their regal authority over me.

with 'the circle of life' still clanging in my head, i arrive at this parenting truth: new babies are the only socially acceptable way for women to continue the dolly dress-up game they began when they were 9 (and still love), only this time they got themselves a kick ass dolly!

but, i digress.

so the first of about 6 girlfriends arrives moments after we manage to cram all the stuff that littered our floors, tables, chairs (and every other flat surface in the house), into closets and behind potted plants. impressed with my quick footwork at preparing my castle for this foreign royalty, i throw the gates open and invite the visitors in with a hearty welcome and a big smile.

now here's what i wanted to tell you: one of my absolute favorite things about jen is the way she gets when her most beloved friends are around. especially if we're out somewhere, like at a resturaunt or a party. she completely forgets to be self-conscious. she giggles more, and really opens up. best of all she gets a sparkle in her eye that makes her completely irresistible.

seriously! makes me wanna nibble on her right there and then. as i understand it though, there's something in the etiquette book about not nibbling in mixed company. always the observer of proper etiquette, i cautiously abstain... ...plus i don't want the guests to barf.

because of this, i have always loved watching jen in social settings. when she wants to be, she's so elegant and charming. it's a big part of what made me fall in love in the first place. in two and a half years of courting and four years of marriage i had seen and loved this a hundred times. but none of that prepared me for seeing it this time. this time she was not just beaming, but gleaming with pride as she passed around our baby. my son.

suddenly, the glint in her eye i love so much was not just sexy, it was beautiful. i don't mean it in a visual or a physical way, but in a deep soulful, spiritual, aching-heart way, and i don't think i'll ever be quite the same again. sitting here now i can still see the room, the girls all cooing over tank, their eyes alight and their fingers wiggling to get ahold of the baby, my wife gleaming. i can distinctly remember actually hearing my heart thump.

i think i'll be able to see that in my mind for the rest of my life. i took a huge step towards understanding gods love for us that night. something to do with loving us without us having to deserve it, his heart just thumps when he sees us... i also learned more about how to love my son, and to adore my wife. and later that night while jen was in the bathroom getting ready for bed, i got on my knees and thanked god for my little family. it ain't perfect, but god has brought me a long way since being broke and alone in a shabby apartment in rhode island, sleeping on the floor next to the oven for heat, unable to pay my bills. since that night a week ago, if i catch us arguing about something stupid, i call to mind the image of that evening, and by grace i'm usually able to get a little perspective about what really matters.

but it's only been a week! now i have to pray for the wherewithal to remember it in the future. i have a hunch it will come in handy in a couple months when i'm trying to convince tank of the merits of actually eating the apple sauce, instead of splattering it on the ceiling. but somehow, i'm looking forward to that. jen & tank, i love you both!