Tree of Life?

so, as it turns out, those parts of my marriage and of my parenting which are in the most need of repair are exactly the parts where becoming a better version of me will have the strongest impact. oh, cruel irony! but, take it from me; pointing your finger at someone else and demanding that they change to make you happier (however subtle you may think you are) is most definitely not going to work.

with that I mind I read something from brennan manning’s book, abba’s child this morning that I think pointed me in the right direction… he talked about a tree. I don’t have the text in front of me, so let me paraphrase-

a tree gives shade to everyone. the nature of the person who goes to the tree and sits in its shade does not in any way impact the quality or quantity of shade the tree will provide for them. this applies for children, pets, or even if the person relaxing in the tree’s shade intends to cut it down when he gets up.

the tree’s shadiness is a result of it’s relationship with the sun, not it’s relationship with the shade recipient. if it has had long exposure to plenty of sun, it can and likely has grown tall and wide, capable of throwing far more shade than a tree which has spent less time in the sunlight.

what a great analogy for how we ought to offer grace. our ability to be charitable or kind or generous does not and ought not come from those we are being charitable to; rather, it is a characteristic in us that is forged over a lifetime of interacting with god. it becomes part of us and remains constant, regardless of how another ats toward us. on those occasions when i do find myself offering love based upon my relationship with that person, i now recognize smallness and weakness in me, and find that i am ashamed i have allowed my spark of godliness to diminish in that way.

my problem is that I am always so pre-occupied with some preceived injustice I am sufferring, that it totally blocks my view of my wife or son’s suffering. what crap! that’s so not how god ever intended a relationship to be (and that totally goes for more casual relationships such as coworkers, too). in manning's analogy, if god is rthe sun, and I am the tree, why does the level of grace I extend to those around me seem to be in direct proportion to my perception of them?

step one in my quest to be a better husband & daddy: be smarter than a tree. it’s going to be tough to learn this one, folks…

"for it is by grace you have been saved, through faith–and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of god" -ephesians 2.8