vomit. i have now experienced the miraculous ferocity with which an infant can produce it. it's incredible. astounding, even. undoubtedly, if you have kids, you're nodding your head with a smile right now, but if you don't, you have no idea. really. NO idea.
seriously. for one thing, they seem to be able to produce more vomit than the quantity of food you have given them. how is that even possible? it's been a couple months since it happened for the first time, but i remember it very clearly. the lad got a puzzled look on his face, appeared to be about to cough, and calmly opened his mouth, and a liquid i'm certain could only be classified as toxic waste began to pour forth as though from a faucet. it began to fill up the car seat he was sitting in!
bennett was totally chill! if i had puked like that i would have curled up into a ball and cried for my mommy. but he was fne! his sense of calm only added to my sense of calamity. i immediately began running back and forth over a 4 foot space, eyes glued to the child, fully expecting to see his head rotate 360 degrees. i was waving my arms and shouting, "uh, jen?! UH JEN?!?!!" (yes, i'm quite useful in emergencies.)
and of course, what was this fabulous barf-cocktail comprised of? peas and milk. a lovely green cream it was. took all i had not to throw holy water on the boy and shout, "the power of christ compells you!"
but what caught my attention and still perplexes me, is the sheer volume, & the length of time it took to vacate the poor little guys gullet! seemed like he just kept shooting it out for like a full minute! really, quite a lovely thing to look forward to if you're planning to have kids. worst of all is how much people who have already lived through this stuff enjoy it when you tell them about your suffering with it. for the record, all you parents are a bunch of sickos!
but alas, puke cleans up as much as anything else, and aside from any permanent damage done to the car seat he was in (or my psyche), we managed to haul the boy back to his room, strip him down, bathe him, redress him, & load him up in a new carseat in record time. (he's lucky i didn't have a lasso or i woulda hog tied 'em too, and shouted, "time!")
life lesson 132: learned.
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