it has been nine days since i crossed into the unknown. nine days since i have slept well. nine days since i was able to relax. there are so many new things here. new sounds, new smells, new ideas, people, responsibilities, tv shows, rooms, toys, conversations.... the list goes on. i am prompted often to reflect on the reason i chose to cross over, though it matters little now what those reasons actually were. i am here now, and once you are, you can't get back to where you were before. sounds scary, but the strange thing is... i like it here.
it's different, true, but not entirely bad. i always thought it was bad because of how annoying i have always thought it to be to talk with others who found themselves here. yet on this side of the transformation, i see those folks in a new light. the unknown i'm talking about is, of course, parenthood.
though i can hardly use that word to describe what i do on a daily basis. i mean, when you think of parents, what comes to mind for me is a haggard-looking worn out couple, with dirty shirts who arm themselves to the teeth with wipes, cheerios, videos, sippy cups, and the like. they chase their kids around begging them to obey, if only for their own safety, yet the never do, do they? aren't all the "parents" you know incapable of conversation which does not focus on kids?
well, i don't know anymore, but one thing is certain. the heiney-wiping, binky pimping, swaddle-mongering my wife and i do all day (and all of the night) is not even a distant cousin of that sad state. ...but then, this is just the beginning. the boy is just nine days old, and he's already got us jumping though hoops with no hope of gratification for it. if he just doesn't complain, we're completely satisfied in him. who else can get away with that?!?
so that's my topic here. what am i? i feel like a hybrid between adult & kid. can i really be responsible to care for another human? it seems that i think i can, but i dare to say that my former cats may beg to differ. their demise was sealed when i buckled under the pressure and gave them up for adoption. still, here i am with a baby. and although i haven't called them (yet), i have doubts about whether the SPCA will take him off my hands if i get into another pinch like i did with the cats. so i have to figure this out. beauty is, i'm not alone; i have guides. the first one, my wife, is the best one too, although she's never actually been here either. but she's as well prepared for this as any person can be without actually having done it before. and she loves me. a rare and arguably admirable trait.
the other guide is the almighty himself. i was aware before the plunge that the experience of parenting is intended to be (among other things) a metaphor for our relationship with god. but within the first few days of parenthood, it was all the more evident that i had many lessons to learn here. so i'll use this blog to document explorations of my own idiocy, my wife's brilliance, god's faithfulness, my friends' patience and my son's resilience. here's hoping we can all pull it off...
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